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The link between counselling and home renovating

(For parents who know their own childhood is playing a part in their parenting.)


Think of your adult life as a house continually being renovated.


Building materials started to be collected from the moment you were conceived. Your genetics contain some building materials which are often impossible to change. Other materials are a bit more malleable and flexible. During early childhood, say, from 0-6 years, the bulk of the foundation materials are collected based on your experiences and emotions with your carers. These materials will later influence how you form relationships with others including how you parent. As you get older, more materials are collected from friends, peers, teachers, books, magazines, social media, etc.


As you approach adulthood, you start to ‘build your house’, experimenting with how much of each material to use, which ones to feature and perhaps which ones to hide. Making these decisions is not always easy and remember, after all, some of the materials have been with you since conception.

I never really liked that wall.

As time goes on, you become a parent and you look at your house and something about it just doesn’t feel right. Some of the materials are getting old and although they once did the job, they’re just not working anymore. You look at some of the materials and think to yourself, “I never really liked that wall. I wonder why I kept it for so long?”. You get a hammer to start knocking it down but stop short thinking, “but what if everything crumbles if I knock it down? I’m not even sure what else to put there.” You reluctantly put the hammer down.


A little while later, you see one of my ads or posts and you text me to organise a call to find out more.

No need for a complete knock down and re-build.

We have a brief 15 min phone chat. I let you know there is no need for a complete knock down and rebuild, I can tell there's some really solid foundations there, but, if you're willing to put up with a bit of mess, a bit of trial and error, a few tears then let's and set up our first catch up to begin renovating…


Our first renovation meeting at the 'hardware store' (aka the park)


With a smile, I welcome you to the hardware store, trying to contain my excitement wondering what aisles we’re going to explore. Every time I come here there’s always something different. The perfect environment for a curious soul like me. I’m always fascinated by how many different descriptions paint companies can give to each colour. Oh and the joy of finding something you’ve been looking for you didn’t think existed. But I digress.


We have a cuppa first before we slowly begin our stroll. I’m curious to find out what tools and materials you already have hidden away in the shed. What ones need to be sharpened and cleaned; what ones have served you well but are ready to be replaced. Perhaps there are some new tools and materials you didn’t know existed? Maybe there are some you inherited and have been using but deep down, never really felt they were quite right for you. Putting them down is really hard though. You stop in the aisle. I see your face change. You let out a sigh and your brow furrows. I recognise that look. Is that some guilt? Or maybe shame? Perhaps sadness? You wonder if it’s even ok to stop using something that has been passed down to you?


I take a slow breath.



After a moment, I ask you if it’s ok if I walk beside you to help move the trolley (the wheels are always so wonky and it’s getting really heavy!).



We start heading down the aisles…



Are you a hardworking, inquisitive and reflective parent in the Macarthur area who is exhausted due to sleepless nights?

Are you ready to abandon some of the messages and tools you received from your own childhood that are no longer serving you well as a parent?

Are you open to learning and exploring how to think and do things differently for yourself and your young child?

Are you eager to pass on positive messages to your young child so they grow with courage, curiosity, kindness and resilience?

Are you ready to start renovating even though it feels scary?


Yes? Then I look forward to hearing from you....


Contact me jo@ngchildhoodcounselling.com



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